Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 8, Episode 1
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the first episode of the eighth series. Key *'HD' – Hugh Dennis *'AP' – Andy Parsons *'RH' – Russell Howard *'MJ' – Milton Jones *'MW' – Mark Watson *'PK' – Patrick Kielty Topics Unlikely Things To Hear On Crimewatch *'PK:' (Impersonates Bruce Forsyth) But before we see tonight's crimes, lets meet the judges! *'RH:' Police say they are looking for a black man in his twenties, and that they always will be. *'HD:' Do you recognize this man? Thought not, it's Nick Clegg. *'MJ:' They say criminals always return to the scene of a crime, which is why we've probably got so many Australians over here. *'AP:' Coming up next week, we'll be trying to solve the murders of the people who phoned up giving infomation on criminals this week. *'HD:' Today we are looking at identity theft. I'm- (frowns) *'RH:' All the victims are deaf, dumb or blind, these are senseless killings. *'MW:' Baffled police are appealing for help, do you know where Wally is? *'MJ:' So uh, if you're being interrogated by the police and they're recording the interview just make sure that every so often you go (claps his hands) ow. *'HD:' Tonight, The Great Train Robbery. London to Glasgow, two hundred and thirty five pounds a turn. *'AP:' Tonight, we're looking for the man who keeps on burgling my home every time I present this programe. *'PK:' (Impersonates Ray Winston) Hello and welcome to Crimewatch, I'm your host Ray Winston, LEAVE IT YOU SLAG! *'MJ:' Don't go camping in the countryside. If you notice that whenever the police find a body, it's always in a tent. *'HD:' Hello, I'm Nick Ross and tonight I'm asking: who stole my fucking job? Unlikely Things To Hear On A TV Election Debate *'PK:' The truth. *'RH: '''Labour, READY!, Tories READY!, BRING ON THE WALL!! *'HD:' I think of this studio as a second home. Which is why I'm claiming expenses for it. *'AP:' The lines have closed. Gordon, it could be you. David, it could be you. Nick, it's not gonna be you. *'MJ:' We in the Tory Party are going to give the north of England a huge boost. And then all the people can come out and lick the chocolate off it. *'MW:' If you're elected you'll raise taxes! If your mum's elected she will. *'PK:' It's me who's got you into this mess, and it's him that'll get you out of it. *'HD:' And at the end of that round, Gordon, you've scored no points. *'MJ:' I'm really very very proud of my working-class roots. When I was growing up, we only had an outside toilet, eventually, we got enough money to buy a house! *'AP: Cheryl, Tonight you're going to be mentoring the Lib Dems *'RH: '''Lembit Opik, What's your real name? *'HD: How will we shorten waiting lists? Simple. By letting the weak die. *'MJ:' (in a weird voice) Hellooo! I am the Messiah! And the Queen is a biscuit! *'HD:' I am almost certain, that was a floating voter. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See